Scottie is now in month two of his six-month rehab plan and it wouldn’t be dramatic to say that I am exhausted.

Scottie is now on pen rest which should mean that I’m not mucking out twice a day. But unfortunately, due to how our fields work, if certain horses don’t go out, no horses can go out. Because of this, for the first ten days of Scottie pen rest, he has only been out for six of these. And even then, he is only having half days, mainly because I don’t trust him not to start escaping from his pen! So I am still mucking out twice a day.

On top of the double daily muckouts, Scottie still needs two twenty-minute walks a day. The walks themselves are fine. But in the dark, the wind and rain after a long day at the office, they are exhausting. This combined with the what feels like the constant rushing around in the mornings, especially on days where no one else is turning out and I try and get him out for half an hour or so before I go to work, I feel like I am running myself into the ground a bit.

The weather has recently turned, dropping in temperature with what seems like a constant drizzle of rain and bitter winds. I’ve had a nasty cold what I have been struggling to get over for a few weeks now and the temptation to pay someone to do Scottie for a few days while I hibernate at home is growing every day.

Don’t get me wrong, I love having a horse and I enjoy all the work what goes along with it. But I can’t help but feel that when you aren’t riding, and when you’re not sure if you will again, it is so hard to find the energy to keep going with extra work at this time of year. I’m sure once I have a bit more sleep and get over this cold, I will be back to my usual self.

I realise that this post probably sounds like an awful moan. But it is okay to not be okay all the time. Anyone with horses will know that there are great times and there are awful times. And maybe if we all talked about the bad times a bit more, we wouldn’t feel so embarrassed about them.

It’s the busiest time of year at work, it is a busy social time of year, it’s the time of year when all the bugs start going round and I am spending more energy at the yard in the cold than I think I ever have done when I had a horse I was riding.

So yes, I am exhausted and knowing I have another four months of hand walking and rehab before we know if it has done anything feels like a long time before I’m going to get a break.

But I am also glad I am doing something to try and get Scottie back and while I am shattered, I wouldn’t change it for the world. But some warmer, drier weather would be nice!